To be honest? It's a little strange, yes. I've been reading, and she reminds me a bit of a cockatrice or a carbuncle from some old stories, closer to a cockatrice. But in the end I think he relies on seeming innocent until she needs to fight.
...
I think when this is done I will appreciate her a bit more, yes. She's given me no reason to be afraid of her.
[ She nodded as she listened. She could slightly recall those terms from mythology. She chuckled softly when she mentioned the innocence. ]
Oh yes, a sentiment I can understand. I have had many people quite shocked to find out what happens when I am backed into a corner.
You must find it disheartening to not remember things? How are you doing mentally, about it all? [ She was no therapist, but it was always a concern. ]
Oh, I believe that. Anyone who thinks you're not dangerous has another thing coming, heh.
[She sighed to herself at the question and glanced away.]
I... have good day, and bad days. I try not to be too visible on the bad days, and I'll confess to drinking pretty heavily on them. Old habits die hard, it seems, even when I can't remember them.
The fact that muscle memory, that memory of skills, have come back relatively easily? It gives me hope, and I cling to that like a life preserver.
Yes. I may be a doctor, but I'm a soldier as well. [ Though often, she wished she didn't have that title under belt. She would forever be trying to heal to fix the damage from Overwatch that she carried the guilt of.
She frowned as she talked about the bad days. She could understand drinking as a coping mechanism, it was one that most common. ] This place will make alcoholics of us all. [ She was joking, but she hoped she wasn't wrong. She also hoped the damage they did to themselves here did not carry over to home when they returned. If they returned. ]
And these bad days? What do they look like. Other than the drinking, what happens within your head that makes them particularly bad? Is it physical or emotional? [ She had her pen ready to make notes. ]
Oh... I am pretty sure that I was an alcoholic long before I ever came here. I would like to think I'm quite functional about it all, and nobody is generally hurt by my binges, but I sometimes wonder.
[That was the thing about the lack of memories. She still had the presence to realize that it might look odd, where her memories from home and here told her how normal it was for her and that everything was fine. She could actually look at it sometimes and wonder.]
It... it's usually something emotional. I encounter some frustration where I know that I should know something. A person looks disappointed when I say the wrong thing. I don't recall a name. Someone calls out to me, and I do not recognize their face. It feels like pieces of me gone, just... not there and it lurks while I smile and wait it out.
[ She wouldn't judge her on that. She'd had her moments here of drinking to excess, and she'd had them back home as well. She wouldn't consider herself an alcoholic, but if she was honest she would have to admit that perhaps she used it in a functional way that might not have been overly healthy. In Deerington it seemed most were lulled by a liquor bottle of some kind. ]
As long as no one gets hurt, including yourself, I won't tell you to do something else.
[ It sounded terrible. She couldn't imagine the weight of something like that hanging over her shoulder.] It sounds like being stuck in a room with someone you can't see, but know is there. Very unsettling.
[Quite an easy poison to rely upon. Vira-Lorr nodded gratefully at the shared attitude, one way or another. It was appreciated that people could understand it, even if she'd been overdoing it.]
Sometimes, when they are standing in the room with me. I can see them, but not see them. I see them, but I remember them as a rumor from someone else's notes.
I remember this place, my own past like someone remembers a child's novel. It feels... disjointed. Strange. Surreal.
[ She puzzled for a moment over what she was saying. A sudden thought occurred to her. From everything she knew about trauma, especially the trauma from war, she knew that disassociation was a key factor in it. ]
No one remembers anything about their time in the life after death here. I wonder if there is something that is particularly traumatizing. The human mind can better adjust to a single event, but repeated traumas can cause the mind to separate and break down slowly. Memory loss and moments of disassociation are common.
Again, I’m not a psychologist, but I know enough to consider it possible that there is something we are seeing there that is causing a disconnect from ourselves. Perhaps even the lives we live here and the lives we live at home. The brain always wants to create peace and balance. The fear that we are experiencing repeatedly makes that difficult.
That... might actually be an explanation of things to some extent, yes. If we are disassociated from our person, we become more and more like the trapped horrors of this place. It gets harder and harder for us to come back as who we actually are each time until the possibility of never coming back exists.
Reaper... mentioned seven being a lucky number. I wouldn't suggest anyone take that risk, but that might be a number to avoid.
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no subject
...
I think when this is done I will appreciate her a bit more, yes. She's given me no reason to be afraid of her.
no subject
Oh yes, a sentiment I can understand. I have had many people quite shocked to find out what happens when I am backed into a corner.
You must find it disheartening to not remember things? How are you doing mentally, about it all? [ She was no therapist, but it was always a concern. ]
no subject
[She sighed to herself at the question and glanced away.]
I... have good day, and bad days. I try not to be too visible on the bad days, and I'll confess to drinking pretty heavily on them. Old habits die hard, it seems, even when I can't remember them.
The fact that muscle memory, that memory of skills, have come back relatively easily? It gives me hope, and I cling to that like a life preserver.
no subject
She frowned as she talked about the bad days. She could understand drinking as a coping mechanism, it was one that most common. ] This place will make alcoholics of us all. [ She was joking, but she hoped she wasn't wrong. She also hoped the damage they did to themselves here did not carry over to home when they returned. If they returned. ]
And these bad days? What do they look like. Other than the drinking, what happens within your head that makes them particularly bad? Is it physical or emotional? [ She had her pen ready to make notes. ]
no subject
[That was the thing about the lack of memories. She still had the presence to realize that it might look odd, where her memories from home and here told her how normal it was for her and that everything was fine. She could actually look at it sometimes and wonder.]
It... it's usually something emotional. I encounter some frustration where I know that I should know something. A person looks disappointed when I say the wrong thing. I don't recall a name. Someone calls out to me, and I do not recognize their face. It feels like pieces of me gone, just... not there and it lurks while I smile and wait it out.
no subject
As long as no one gets hurt, including yourself, I won't tell you to do something else.
[ It sounded terrible. She couldn't imagine the weight of something like that hanging over her shoulder.] It sounds like being stuck in a room with someone you can't see, but know is there. Very unsettling.
no subject
Sometimes, when they are standing in the room with me. I can see them, but not see them. I see them, but I remember them as a rumor from someone else's notes.
I remember this place, my own past like someone remembers a child's novel. It feels... disjointed. Strange. Surreal.
no subject
No one remembers anything about their time in the life after death here. I wonder if there is something that is particularly traumatizing. The human mind can better adjust to a single event, but repeated traumas can cause the mind to separate and break down slowly. Memory loss and moments of disassociation are common.
Again, I’m not a psychologist, but I know enough to consider it possible that there is something we are seeing there that is causing a disconnect from ourselves. Perhaps even the lives we live here and the lives we live at home. The brain always wants to create peace and balance. The fear that we are experiencing repeatedly makes that difficult.
no subject
Reaper... mentioned seven being a lucky number. I wouldn't suggest anyone take that risk, but that might be a number to avoid.