(Eddie is so thoroughly overwhelmed, and truthfully, he wasn't planning to go to anyone about it until his inhaler ran out. It had been nearly full a couple months ago. Richie had really helped him out for a long while until he vanished. Then things were still okay, because Eddie had never really been alone, but everything was different now and his inhaler was on zero.
It made him feel like a complete baby. It wasn't even real medicine, yet he was using it multiple times a day again like before he had found out he wasn't sick. It couldn't be helped. He was jumpy.
It was what had him reaching out though. At this point, there was only one person he trusted medically.
When he finally gets around to making the call, his voice is very small, and very much that of a nervous twelve year old's.)
Miss Angel? Um....I...I ran out of some medicine and I didn't want to get it filled at the pharmacy.
[ It's late, but she wasn't sleeping. She had been pouring over some information when she hears her feed pick up the familiar voice.
Instantly she is aware of the discomfort in his voice and though she doesn't want to make her concern heard. Instead she decides it's best to just try to find out what is bothering him and do everything she can to help with the situation. ]
Alright. How about I come to you and we can discuss what it is you need?
[ She's already getting her medical bag together. ]
(There's a moment's hesitation. Mostly because Eddie wasn't so sure about being seen right then, but really, he knew there was no other way to get his inhaler filled up other than to see Angela at some point. So he sighs faintly, and it carries through on the Fluid.)
Yeah, okay. I'll wait out on my porch.
(Maybe not the safest thing to do in Deerington, but he's moving to sit out front all the same. The light is on and he sits himself down on the bottom step. His Fluid is locked up around his wrist, and while he waits for Angela, he plays some soft music to make the night seem a little less quiet.)
[ Angela regrets that she has no mode of transportation, but thankfully the bus system runs late. She makes a mental note that she really needs to get a vehicle of her own. All the same she doesn't take too long to get to his house.
When she sees the light on the front porch a smile crosses her lips and she makes her way towards the home. Finding Eddie outside she looks him over quickly to see if she is dealing with anything of an emergency. As she had thought, no sign of the need for immediate medical intervention.
She comes up to the porch and takes a seat next to him, placing her medical bag to the side. ]
(He says this with the dramatic flourish of a child, but there does some to be some truth there. There's bags under his eyes, and he looks a little paler than normal. Eddie moves his hand to pause the music.
Eddie props an elbow against his knee and rests his chin into the palm of his hand, staring out at the street first, before slowly rolling his eyes over to Angela.)
Thanks for coming out so late. It's...I know it's not really an emergency or anything.
(Not of the medical kind, anyhow. He eyes her bag, feeling a roll of guilt sweep through him.)
[ Perhaps this was one of the reasons that Angela felt so strongly protective of him. She might be nearing forty but she coudl remember how exhausting the world could be as a child. When everything felt too large and there was no one to shield you from the darker corners of it all.
She responds at first with a nod. ] Childhood can be that way sometimes.
[ She's quick to shake her head to the other part of his question. ] You did not wake me up at all. I was just running through some things and working on my research journal. You spared me a long night alone. I am glad you got in touch with me, I would much rather be here with you.
Childhood is the biggest joke out there with the lamest punchline ever. Everyone else is control of you, and you have grown-ups saying bullshit things like, 'This isn't the best for you' when you know damn well they don't know any better than you do what's the best for you. But you have to constantly nod your head and agree because they're grown-ups and you can't disagree with grown-ups. (It all comes out in a rush only to come to an abrupt stop towards the end. He bites his tongue and tries to reel himself in. Whatever the heck that meant.
He does smile thinly at what she says, though there's not too much amusement in his smile.)
Aw, jeez. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine. I'm not sure anyone would be hankering for my company right now. Least of all an adult.
(Eddie mumbles the last bit, and really, he doesn't mean to be so pessimistic. He hugs his thighs and folds himself almost in half, putting his face down against his knee. This somehow makes an already small kid seem impossibly smaller.)
I'm out of my asthma medicine. I can't tell what's worse either. The fact that I used it up in less than a week or that it's a fake and I'm relying on it all over again like a dumbass.
[ Angela could remember the days of being so much younger than everyone else. Sitting in university classrooms while adults treated her as if she knew nothing. Having to prove over and over and over again that she belonged among them. She had never been a child who had been able to bite her tongue around adults. In fact if she wanted to get anywhere she had had to speak up. It had been brutal.
One hand goes tentatively to his back as she listens to the bit about his inhaler. She had known that he suffered from asthma and so had come prepared. With one hand still on his back she reaches into her bag and pulls out a fresh one. She also pulls out a small white pill that she offers with her palm open. ]
Here, take this and if you need the inhaler in ten minutes we can turn to that.
[ In the meantime she addresses the way he had rambled on. ]
You know, it is okay to tell adults that you will and will not do things. It's okay to speak openly to them. If they are not okay with it, then they are small minded. Children often have the most important things to say. I know I did.
(Sometimes Eddie could be outspoken. Sometimes, Eddie blazed like the sun itself with a unique kind of ferocity that would one day lead to his own death. The kid had an iron-clad spine, but the catch was that it only really existed when his friends were around. He didn't know how to let himself be brave on his own. He would have never been able to do what Angela had done in her own youth. Adults were more horrifying to him than IT or even Deerington.
Eddie picks up his head from his own knees and stares down at the inhaler and the pill.)
What is it? (A simple question. Eddie gently plucks the pill out of her hand. He doesn't wait for her to answer him before slipping it into his mouth. Eddie, despite his efforts, is still thoroughly programmed to just take whatever medicine is given to him. The kid's swallowed enough pills in his life that he doesn't bother with water, and just swallows it dry.)
But adults...(His voice catches, and he has to swallow again. It felt like the pill had gone down wrong, but that wasn't the problem.)
I doubt I have anything important to say. My mom always got annoyed with me back home whenever I talked about my friends or stuff. I think maybe I'm annoying to adults. (Eddie gnaws at the inside of his cheek. He'd been doing it way too much lately, and he could feel it all right.)
I don't know how to stand up to adults. They scare the absolute shit out of me. And they control like, everything in your life. (He stares down at his shoes, frowning, but he looked thoughtful.)
Is that why you talk to me? Because you know what it's like? (He knows she was a child genius. Eddie didn't have anything to offer the world like that, but he could imagine a child Angela having a lot of good to say.)
It's a very mild anti-anxiety medication. My guess is the chest tightening that you feel is caused by some kind of a panic attack. [ She had seen so many of them. ] It won't harm you at all, and if it works we'll know it's that and not something more serious in your chest.
[ She listens to him speak about his mother and it makes a bubble of anger rise in her chest. She wants to give the lady a good talking to. Maybe she isn't a mother, but she knows a parent should not silence their children, or try to control them. In the brief time that she had known hers they all allowed her to flourish. Perhaps that was why she had had the bravery that she did.
She shrugs at the question as she pulls out a bottle of water and hands it him.]
Perhaps. I also just tend to think that kindness goes much farther when speaking to human beings. Children are human beings and deserve that same respect. However, when your only experience with adults is negative, it leaves an impression. It's only natural if the adults in your life are cold to you that you are nervous around them. It will take time and good adults to help you get past those knee jerk responses.
(Like Xanax, he thinks. People had given him a whole lot of mixed opinions about that too. But those people weren't Angela.
If only she knew the full extent of Sonia Kaspbrak. Though working close medically with Eddie would educate her in good time about it, no doubt. He looks at the water, and after a second, takes it from her. Eddie takes a small sip. Eddie almost laughs when she says that children are human beings. Not because it was funny or because he thought she was joking. It just felt like most of the time, adults thought kids were more like particularly vocal dogs.)
I try to be kind. Most of the time back in Derry I just got called a sissy for it or uh- other stuff. (It does not exactly take a genius to figure out what other stuff Eddie might be talking about. He wraps his arms around his knee, holding the bottle tightly. He did start to feel a little steadier, a little more relaxed as the minutes trickled by. Eddie didn't even realize it at first either.)
You've always made me feel heard. (Eddie's expression softens, and he shuffles a tiny bit closer to Angela, a sort of natural instinct for some physical contact swelling up inside of him.)
Thank you. And ...thanks for coming over in the dead of night and listening to me whine. You're...a nice experience, I think. As far as adults go. (Which is a pretty big compliment coming from Eddie.)
....Can I ask what you think about the flu shot? I got it. You don't....Do you think people will get sick from it?
[ She would have told him it was Xanax right away, though a very mild dose of it. She didn't want him to be too reliant on something like that. She also thought that there may be other ways to treat anxiety that were more than just a band aid medication. But she was observing for the moment instead of putting a plan in motion.
And as she observed she listened, with great intent to learn more about the young boy. When she felt him creep closer to her the hand that had been on his back starts to move up and down in a soothing manner. She had done her share of comforting smaller children in hospitals while they were under her care. It wasn't something new, but it had been awhile. ]
I am glad that you came to me, and I want you to feel heard. No matter what time it is or what the issue is, I am here for you.
[ When he brings up the issue of the flu shot, she takes a moment to think about it. She isn't sure what she thinks about it. ]
To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. I really want to be able to get my hands on a clean sample and test it, but that doesn't seem possible. Is this about the message Connor sent out?
(It was smart thinking on Angela's part. Regardless of what she may or may not know about Eddie, he was extremely prone to dependency issues when it came to medication. How easily he could stumble down dangerous habits.
But it certainly was working. It was removing some of the tightly wound tension in his body, and he even spoke more steadily and not quite like the world was pressing in on him from all angles. The hand on his back serves to help with that, and he leans into it, soaking up the contact. After Will had vanished, he'd been more desperate for contact, more lonely. The kid was vulnerable lately.
He found that maybe he wanted to know Angela too. That he wondered about what brought her through such a long life and how she managed to stay so kind and steady through all of it.)
I'm...- I'm here for you too. (This falls a bit flat. Not because he doesn't mean it, but because he always sometimes wonders if adults would ever really talk to him the way they would their own friends. Not that Eddie blamed them, but he did mean it. He understood what life could be like, even if he was young.)
Yeah. And I guess my own too, but definitely that. Do you really think it was blood in those vials? I won't lie. It definitely made me feel a little off, but...
[ One of the things that makes her such a great doctor is her ability to read people as well as know what to do with their bodies. She had a feeling it would be hard for Eddie to not get attached to certain negative coping mechanisms and she planned on staying far away from that.
She can feel him starting to calm down though and that brings her a sense of relief as well.
At his offer she smiles. ] Thank you Eddie, that means a lot to me.
[ She knows she won't burden him with her load, but she finds his kindness and the offer heart warming. She also makes a note to find a way that she can let him help her in some capacity, to know that he is needed and that his presence in her life is desired. ]
That's a very good question and it's not an easy one for me to answer. A proper scientist does not ever release information about anything that might cause public panic unless they are as sure as they can be about the information that they required. A lot of people here seem to like throwing out incomplete findings just to say something. They warn without reason and it hurts more than it helps.
The substance that was collected was contaminated. It was an absolutely terrible sample to study. If there was a bleeding woman next to a broken vial you can't take blood in the sample with anything more than a grain of salt.
That being said, without a sample, I really can't decided one way or another if it is safe. I wish I could tell you more. I think it's worrisome that you had such a strong reaction, but some people do to vaccinations.
[ She pauses for a moment in thought. ]
I could take a sample of your blood and see if there are any abnormalities. If you would allow it.
Really? (There it is. That earnest, childish wonder that made it very clear that Eddie was only twelve. More than that, that he was a twelve year old from the fifties. Someone who still sometimes would go out into the woods with a stick and play pretend that he was some jungle explorer looking for a tiger. It's this same kind of wonder that he looks at Angela now, wonder because he can't quite figure out why she would mean it.
Maybe it didn't always matter.
Eddie was instinctively kind and wanted to help. Maybe she couldn't unload her burden onto him, but even letting him help in some small way...
It's funny. He should be panicking the more that she talks. His mom's voice should be rattling off all the different ways he could get sick, about how this was precisely why he should never leave her. And he could hear her voice still, that ghost mother whispering frantically in his ear. He could even feel the faint wave of anxiety crashing against his mind. Only for once, it didn't really feel like it was happening to him. It felt like someone had jarred up all his anxiety and put it in the back of his mind where it could still be heard, but not quite felt.
It was ......a completely indescribable feeling. His hand briefly touches his chest, and his heart was thumping calmly. No panic.)
What did you give me? Everything in my head has gone soft and quiet when normally hearing that you don't know what this shit could do would have me screaming for the hills.
(A pause- then:)
I think maybe people like to think they're helping. Do you think I did that with my video? (Eddie doesn't seem upset or worried, but instead genuinely curious if he had added to some sort of mass panic. He thinks maybe he might of.)
That's what I thought. I also wondered how he could be certain it was the real medicine. I mean, it's Deerington, you know? Everything is weird and nothing is ever so easy as just snatching up a sample. (Eddie's frowning now, looking at his hands.) I wonder if that lady is okay.
(Eddie's mouth screws up at the corner, and he's looking up at Angela, mouth hanging open before he closes it and gives a steady nod.)
[ The wonder in his eyes made her heart fill with joy and she nodded. ] Oh I can think of so many things that you can help me with. I have my hands full at F.E.A.R. getting a new medical bay set up, and I can teach you about medicine. I could make a very fine assistant out of you.
[ Sure she intended to be careful in what she gave him to do, but she had a feeling that Eddie needed desperately to feel that he had something to truly give to the world. He needed to feel wanted and needed and Angela had ever belief that as his self confidence built his need for medication would decrease. ]
Oh, I just gave a very small dosage of an anti anxiety medication called "Xanax". I don't want you to have a lot of it, but I will happily monitor that for you. As well as give you a prescription for a longer term medication.
[ She wasn't a mental health physician, but thankfully her schooling had given her a base knowledge in many different things before she had narrowed her field to biomedical technology and field medicine.
As for the woman, she nodded her agreement. ]
I almost wish that I could have gotten a sampling of her blood, than I could have at least proven that theory. But ah well...we'll find other ways.
And I promise I am very careful, and just that alone will give me so much information.
[ She squeezed him to her side with her arm around him. ] Talk about bravery.
Really? (Eddie doesn't say this so much as shout it in earnest shock. The last time he had asked someone if he could train under them medically or at least watch to try and learn things, they had told him no. That he could get in the way. They had been nice about it, of course, but Eddie wasn't an idiot. He knew when adults wanted nothing to do with him.
The boy was practically vibrating with this newfound -- what was it? He couldn't determine the emotion flowing through him. It was as foreign to him as power had been that summer one year ago. This wasn't power. This was...Confidence, maybe, or the beginning shape of it anyway. It was amazing how making a child feel useful could impact them. Angela wasn't wrong at all in assuming it could help him.)
Oh, I've heard of that before. Back in Reims I found a bottle of it in my bed once- weird to explain- but I had an adult told me taking even one pill could make me addicted. And others seemed to freak. Although one said it'd also be okay and that he could break it in half for me if I needed it.
(Which ultimately meant that Eddie had not been able to figure out one way or another if Xanax was okay for him to take. Adults were so confusing sometimes.)
...You would? That'd be...You...It's real medicine right? (Eddie trusts Angela by now, but this was age old insecurities kicking in that he couldn't help but want to clarify.)
Okay then. If it'll help you then I definitely want to do it. (Eddie winds up blushing rather hotly at the compliment, looking away from her.)
Barely. (Eddie Kaspbrak letting him have a compliment? Dream on. But he does press back against her, before finally just turning to outright hug her tightly around her midsection. He's been terribly lonely lately, and having her come out in the dead of night ...It meant a lot.)
I can get you something to drink if you want, by the way. Sorry. I forgot my manners.
[ Angela had the sinking suspicion that my educating him in the way of medicine that he might be better able to give him the tools to understand his own health as well as what doctors told him. Knowledge was power and it was a power she wanted to bestow on Eddie, who had been so misled about medicine and health.
To his question about Xanax she shook her head. ] You will be monitored and I will keep you safe. So long as you follow my directions you shouldn't have any trouble with it.
[ And then his arms were around her and she was a little caught off guard. Quickly though she wrapped him into a tight hug and held onto him closely. It was not hard at all to see how lonely he had been and if she could offer even a bit of protection from that loneliness her arms were open.
She pulled back a bit, she would still have to work on that confidence though, but starting with letting him get her a drink was a beginning. ]
(That sinking suspicion was pretty spot on. Power did a lot for a kid Eddie's age, but especially for a kid like Eddie in general. It didn't take much to leave a lasting impression on him was the thing.
Her response does enough to reassure him. He would sooner trust Angela than some doctor he had met for all of five seconds. Eddie was pretty sure that guy might have just been trying to scare him. Adults so often liked to scare children. Sometimes they thought it protected them, other times it was just the sadist nature of them- or so Eddie figured anyway.
There's an almost electric kind of happiness he gets from her hugging him back. He soaks up the affection and squeezes tighter against the hug. It wasn't just a hug of loneliness, but something else that toed into familial lines that Eddie hadn't felt in some time now. Not since Clara. It opened up a deep ache that he didn't know what to do with right now. He was glad for the distraction of drinks.
Eddie wipes his hands down the sides of his legs, his palms a bit sweaty from his panic earlier. He really did feel a lot better. Eddie climbs to his feet, leading Angela inside without another word. The lights were mostly all on, and the house was a bit quiet. Some low music was playing from up a staircase brightly lit by fairy lights and covered in license plates. As he meanders into the kitchen, it doesn't take a genius to glance around and see an absence of authority. It isn't dirty in the house, but there's a sort of casual recklessness that one might expect from a house owned by kids. The living room as a bit of a mess with a half collapsed fort, and when they go into the kitchen, he opens up the cabinet to a bunch of colorful, mismatched cups of varying sizes. They are tiny things, sure, but too many added up to paint a bigger picture.
That picture is bigger when he opens the fridge (which is unsurprisingly covered in hokey magnets and Polaroid pictures of memories) and reveals the dismal insides. There's some sandwich making supplies, and a hell of a lot of juice and milk. There's even a few pill bottles scattered about in the fridge too. Go figure. He scratches at the back of his head, keeping the fridge opened with his hip.)
Ummmm. I have lemonade and apple juice. And milk. I guess water too? Do you want anything special? (How does one be a good host??)
[ As she is led into the house, she is immediately aware of the sort of casual disarray going on. It's not that it's terrible, but it looks lived in by children. She remembers hearing that Eddie lived with Will for awhile. Chloe had mentioned that she is staying there.
Looking in the fridge only furthers this sinking suspicion that there may actually not be an adult present at all. She had seen over the feed a few adults checking in on them and yet it had never occurred to her that perhaps they were living here on their own.]
Oh a glass of lemonade will be just fine, thank you.
[ She lets him play host, moving over to the kitchen table to take a seat. Her thoughts are on the fridge and the home and finally she can't hold her tongue about it anymore. ]
Eddie, are you and Chloe here alone?
[ She keeps the question casual and removed of all judgement. ]
Sure. (Out comes the lemonade and he gets around to pouring her a glass of it. He spares her a glance at the question, brow quirked. Thankfully it doesn't seem like he seems too nervous to hide the fact because he answers easily enough.)
Oh, yeah. She actually just moved in after Will...After Will vanished.
(The words stick uncomfortably in his throat for a second, and it's not really complicated as to why. He had lost just about all his friends since showing up to Deerington and it wasn't easy.)
Before it was just Will and me. Back when Bev was here, she lived with me too, but she's one of my best friends from home so obviously she lived with me.
(Which makes it clear that Bev was just a kid too. Eddie pours himself a glass of lemonade and puts the jug back into the fridge. He brings the two cups over to the table and sits next to her, handing her one of the cups.)
It's pretty awesome having Chloe around though. She can cook! Beats eating sandwiches every day. (Said in a very simple boyish excited way.
Yup. Definitely having lived alone for a while now.)
[ Guilt and irritation flood her system as she listens. She keeps the feelings under wraps, but she can't help but feel that she should have known something was off, why hadn't she asked who was caring for him. Then again, why had no one else stepped up to the challenge.
They way he talks makes it sound like they are doing okay on their own, but that really doesn't matter. It's not okay for them to be alone. It's not okay at all. ]
I am glad that you have each other Eddie...but neither one of you should be on your own. Has no one been looking in on you?
[ Making sure they had healthy food? Making sure their basic needs were met? Making sure that they had the support of adults to lean on while they were stuck here? ]
(It's something Eddie has heard before from adults. Eddie doesn't look particularly phased. Instead, he sips at his lemonade and stares at her from over the edge of his cup. He shrugs.)
No. But that's kinda how adults work. I've basically been on my own for like. A year.
(Adults would always say how they were super worried about him or something, but then they'd say he was fine alone and leave him to his own devices. Some said he would have to grow up eventually.
Eddie figures this will be another one of those situations. It's less against Angela, and more against how adults have always been.)
Not that I know of. (Which was a little creepy sometimes but at least they weren't completely alone.)
Sometimes an adult will ask if I'm eating okay or whatever. (If that was what she was worried about.)
Adults shouldn't work that way. You may feel like you are okay on your own, but there is a reason that children aren't released into the world until they are older.
[ She also knew how awful it was to be alone. As an orphan it hit her hard.
She felt sick to her stomach that she hadn't checked in on him better. She should have known, but now that she did she was going to find a way to remedy this. She glances out the window to the house next door. Dark. Empty. Very close. An idea was beginning to formulate in her mind. ]
Well. [ She set her glass on the table and a determined look came over her. ]
It's settled then. I'll move into the house next door and be available to you and Chloe.
(Eddie doesn't say anything to that. It's one of those very odd situations. Eddie was young enough that he, on a daily basis, craved some maternal structure or presence in his life. Eddie loved his own mother, but he wouldn't want her in his life again if he could help it, but he did want a mother in his life. He wanted it so bad that it made him ache.
But he was also old enough that Eddie felt like he couldn't really admit that anymore. He felt like maybe he shouldn't want to have a parent around. In many ways, he didn't want a parental figure around. He was twelve and he wanted to be on his own because what twelve year old boy didn't relish the thought of being able to stay up as late as he wanted or eat what he wanted when he wanted? It was freeing.
It was a messy contradiction of a situation, and Eddie doesn't feel like there's a right reply to be given. It really was awful to be alone too. There were many times Eddie wanted to cry into his momma's chest all over again. Maybe he didn't think adults could fix the world, but sometimes he felt like they were the only ones with the power to make it softer.
When they bothered to use that power- and everyone knew Eddie thought most adults never used their power for good.
Except for adults like Angela. His whole body itches to go to her when she offers- no, insists living next door. His arms ache to hug, and instead, he sits there, clutching his lemonade. His face was a little red, and he was gnawing at the inside of his cheek. Easy there.)
....You don't...have to do that. (It's not an argument whatsoever. It's clear that Eddie wants her to do that, but isn't sure how to go about saying as much. He didn't want her to think he needed her. He didn't want her to think he was a baby who couldn't take care of himself. He didn't want to tell her what to do with her life.
But God, there was some serious relief beginning to flourish in his chest.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice
It made him feel like a complete baby. It wasn't even real medicine, yet he was using it multiple times a day again like before he had found out he wasn't sick. It couldn't be helped. He was jumpy.
It was what had him reaching out though. At this point, there was only one person he trusted medically.
When he finally gets around to making the call, his voice is very small, and very much that of a nervous twelve year old's.)
Miss Angel? Um....I...I ran out of some medicine and I didn't want to get it filled at the pharmacy.
voice
Instantly she is aware of the discomfort in his voice and though she doesn't want to make her concern heard. Instead she decides it's best to just try to find out what is bothering him and do everything she can to help with the situation. ]
Alright. How about I come to you and we can discuss what it is you need?
[ She's already getting her medical bag together. ]
voice
Yeah, okay. I'll wait out on my porch.
(Maybe not the safest thing to do in Deerington, but he's moving to sit out front all the same. The light is on and he sits himself down on the bottom step. His Fluid is locked up around his wrist, and while he waits for Angela, he plays some soft music to make the night seem a little less quiet.)
voice
When she sees the light on the front porch a smile crosses her lips and she makes her way towards the home. Finding Eddie outside she looks him over quickly to see if she is dealing with anything of an emergency. As she had thought, no sign of the need for immediate medical intervention.
She comes up to the porch and takes a seat next to him, placing her medical bag to the side. ]
Tough night?
voice
(He says this with the dramatic flourish of a child, but there does some to be some truth there. There's bags under his eyes, and he looks a little paler than normal. Eddie moves his hand to pause the music.
Eddie props an elbow against his knee and rests his chin into the palm of his hand, staring out at the street first, before slowly rolling his eyes over to Angela.)
Thanks for coming out so late. It's...I know it's not really an emergency or anything.
(Not of the medical kind, anyhow. He eyes her bag, feeling a roll of guilt sweep through him.)
Did I wake you up?
voice
She responds at first with a nod. ] Childhood can be that way sometimes.
[ She's quick to shake her head to the other part of his question. ] You did not wake me up at all. I was just running through some things and working on my research journal. You spared me a long night alone. I am glad you got in touch with me, I would much rather be here with you.
voice
He does smile thinly at what she says, though there's not too much amusement in his smile.)
Aw, jeez. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine. I'm not sure anyone would be hankering for my company right now. Least of all an adult.
(Eddie mumbles the last bit, and really, he doesn't mean to be so pessimistic. He hugs his thighs and folds himself almost in half, putting his face down against his knee. This somehow makes an already small kid seem impossibly smaller.)
I'm out of my asthma medicine. I can't tell what's worse either. The fact that I used it up in less than a week or that it's a fake and I'm relying on it all over again like a dumbass.
voice
One hand goes tentatively to his back as she listens to the bit about his inhaler. She had known that he suffered from asthma and so had come prepared. With one hand still on his back she reaches into her bag and pulls out a fresh one. She also pulls out a small white pill that she offers with her palm open. ]
Here, take this and if you need the inhaler in ten minutes we can turn to that.
[ In the meantime she addresses the way he had rambled on. ]
You know, it is okay to tell adults that you will and will not do things. It's okay to speak openly to them. If they are not okay with it, then they are small minded. Children often have the most important things to say. I know I did.
voice
Eddie picks up his head from his own knees and stares down at the inhaler and the pill.)
What is it? (A simple question. Eddie gently plucks the pill out of her hand. He doesn't wait for her to answer him before slipping it into his mouth. Eddie, despite his efforts, is still thoroughly programmed to just take whatever medicine is given to him. The kid's swallowed enough pills in his life that he doesn't bother with water, and just swallows it dry.)
But adults...(His voice catches, and he has to swallow again. It felt like the pill had gone down wrong, but that wasn't the problem.)
I doubt I have anything important to say. My mom always got annoyed with me back home whenever I talked about my friends or stuff. I think maybe I'm annoying to adults. (Eddie gnaws at the inside of his cheek. He'd been doing it way too much lately, and he could feel it all right.)
I don't know how to stand up to adults. They scare the absolute shit out of me. And they control like, everything in your life. (He stares down at his shoes, frowning, but he looked thoughtful.)
Is that why you talk to me? Because you know what it's like? (He knows she was a child genius. Eddie didn't have anything to offer the world like that, but he could imagine a child Angela having a lot of good to say.)
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[ She listens to him speak about his mother and it makes a bubble of anger rise in her chest. She wants to give the lady a good talking to. Maybe she isn't a mother, but she knows a parent should not silence their children, or try to control them. In the brief time that she had known hers they all allowed her to flourish. Perhaps that was why she had had the bravery that she did.
She shrugs at the question as she pulls out a bottle of water and hands it him.]
Perhaps. I also just tend to think that kindness goes much farther when speaking to human beings. Children are human beings and deserve that same respect. However, when your only experience with adults is negative, it leaves an impression. It's only natural if the adults in your life are cold to you that you are nervous around them. It will take time and good adults to help you get past those knee jerk responses.
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(Like Xanax, he thinks. People had given him a whole lot of mixed opinions about that too. But those people weren't Angela.
If only she knew the full extent of Sonia Kaspbrak. Though working close medically with Eddie would educate her in good time about it, no doubt. He looks at the water, and after a second, takes it from her. Eddie takes a small sip. Eddie almost laughs when she says that children are human beings. Not because it was funny or because he thought she was joking. It just felt like most of the time, adults thought kids were more like particularly vocal dogs.)
I try to be kind. Most of the time back in Derry I just got called a sissy for it or uh- other stuff. (It does not exactly take a genius to figure out what other stuff Eddie might be talking about. He wraps his arms around his knee, holding the bottle tightly. He did start to feel a little steadier, a little more relaxed as the minutes trickled by. Eddie didn't even realize it at first either.)
You've always made me feel heard. (Eddie's expression softens, and he shuffles a tiny bit closer to Angela, a sort of natural instinct for some physical contact swelling up inside of him.)
Thank you. And ...thanks for coming over in the dead of night and listening to me whine. You're...a nice experience, I think. As far as adults go. (Which is a pretty big compliment coming from Eddie.)
....Can I ask what you think about the flu shot? I got it. You don't....Do you think people will get sick from it?
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And as she observed she listened, with great intent to learn more about the young boy. When she felt him creep closer to her the hand that had been on his back starts to move up and down in a soothing manner. She had done her share of comforting smaller children in hospitals while they were under her care. It wasn't something new, but it had been awhile. ]
I am glad that you came to me, and I want you to feel heard. No matter what time it is or what the issue is, I am here for you.
[ When he brings up the issue of the flu shot, she takes a moment to think about it. She isn't sure what she thinks about it. ]
To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. I really want to be able to get my hands on a clean sample and test it, but that doesn't seem possible. Is this about the message Connor sent out?
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But it certainly was working. It was removing some of the tightly wound tension in his body, and he even spoke more steadily and not quite like the world was pressing in on him from all angles. The hand on his back serves to help with that, and he leans into it, soaking up the contact. After Will had vanished, he'd been more desperate for contact, more lonely. The kid was vulnerable lately.
He found that maybe he wanted to know Angela too. That he wondered about what brought her through such a long life and how she managed to stay so kind and steady through all of it.)
I'm...- I'm here for you too. (This falls a bit flat. Not because he doesn't mean it, but because he always sometimes wonders if adults would ever really talk to him the way they would their own friends. Not that Eddie blamed them, but he did mean it. He understood what life could be like, even if he was young.)
Yeah. And I guess my own too, but definitely that. Do you really think it was blood in those vials? I won't lie. It definitely made me feel a little off, but...
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She can feel him starting to calm down though and that brings her a sense of relief as well.
At his offer she smiles. ] Thank you Eddie, that means a lot to me.
[ She knows she won't burden him with her load, but she finds his kindness and the offer heart warming. She also makes a note to find a way that she can let him help her in some capacity, to know that he is needed and that his presence in her life is desired. ]
That's a very good question and it's not an easy one for me to answer. A proper scientist does not ever release information about anything that might cause public panic unless they are as sure as they can be about the information that they required. A lot of people here seem to like throwing out incomplete findings just to say something. They warn without reason and it hurts more than it helps.
The substance that was collected was contaminated. It was an absolutely terrible sample to study. If there was a bleeding woman next to a broken vial you can't take blood in the sample with anything more than a grain of salt.
That being said, without a sample, I really can't decided one way or another if it is safe. I wish I could tell you more. I think it's worrisome that you had such a strong reaction, but some people do to vaccinations.
[ She pauses for a moment in thought. ]
I could take a sample of your blood and see if there are any abnormalities. If you would allow it.
thiiiis got long. because OFC IT DID....
Maybe it didn't always matter.
Eddie was instinctively kind and wanted to help. Maybe she couldn't unload her burden onto him, but even letting him help in some small way...
It's funny. He should be panicking the more that she talks. His mom's voice should be rattling off all the different ways he could get sick, about how this was precisely why he should never leave her. And he could hear her voice still, that ghost mother whispering frantically in his ear. He could even feel the faint wave of anxiety crashing against his mind. Only for once, it didn't really feel like it was happening to him. It felt like someone had jarred up all his anxiety and put it in the back of his mind where it could still be heard, but not quite felt.
It was ......a completely indescribable feeling. His hand briefly touches his chest, and his heart was thumping calmly. No panic.)
What did you give me? Everything in my head has gone soft and quiet when normally hearing that you don't know what this shit could do would have me screaming for the hills.
(A pause- then:)
I think maybe people like to think they're helping. Do you think I did that with my video? (Eddie doesn't seem upset or worried, but instead genuinely curious if he had added to some sort of mass panic. He thinks maybe he might of.)
That's what I thought. I also wondered how he could be certain it was the real medicine. I mean, it's Deerington, you know? Everything is weird and nothing is ever so easy as just snatching up a sample. (Eddie's frowning now, looking at his hands.) I wonder if that lady is okay.
(Eddie's mouth screws up at the corner, and he's looking up at Angela, mouth hanging open before he closes it and gives a steady nod.)
Um- yeah. I don't mind if it's you taking it.
It's okay bb, it's a very enjoyable thread! <3
[ Sure she intended to be careful in what she gave him to do, but she had a feeling that Eddie needed desperately to feel that he had something to truly give to the world. He needed to feel wanted and needed and Angela had ever belief that as his self confidence built his need for medication would decrease. ]
Oh, I just gave a very small dosage of an anti anxiety medication called "Xanax". I don't want you to have a lot of it, but I will happily monitor that for you. As well as give you a prescription for a longer term medication.
[ She wasn't a mental health physician, but thankfully her schooling had given her a base knowledge in many different things before she had narrowed her field to biomedical technology and field medicine.
As for the woman, she nodded her agreement. ]
I almost wish that I could have gotten a sampling of her blood, than I could have at least proven that theory. But ah well...we'll find other ways.
And I promise I am very careful, and just that alone will give me so much information.
[ She squeezed him to her side with her arm around him. ] Talk about bravery.
IT IS
The boy was practically vibrating with this newfound -- what was it? He couldn't determine the emotion flowing through him. It was as foreign to him as power had been that summer one year ago. This wasn't power. This was...Confidence, maybe, or the beginning shape of it anyway. It was amazing how making a child feel useful could impact them. Angela wasn't wrong at all in assuming it could help him.)
Oh, I've heard of that before. Back in Reims I found a bottle of it in my bed once- weird to explain- but I had an adult told me taking even one pill could make me addicted. And others seemed to freak. Although one said it'd also be okay and that he could break it in half for me if I needed it.
(Which ultimately meant that Eddie had not been able to figure out one way or another if Xanax was okay for him to take. Adults were so confusing sometimes.)
...You would? That'd be...You...It's real medicine right? (Eddie trusts Angela by now, but this was age old insecurities kicking in that he couldn't help but want to clarify.)
Okay then. If it'll help you then I definitely want to do it. (Eddie winds up blushing rather hotly at the compliment, looking away from her.)
Barely. (Eddie Kaspbrak letting him have a compliment? Dream on. But he does press back against her, before finally just turning to outright hug her tightly around her midsection. He's been terribly lonely lately, and having her come out in the dead of night ...It meant a lot.)
I can get you something to drink if you want, by the way. Sorry. I forgot my manners.
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To his question about Xanax she shook her head. ] You will be monitored and I will keep you safe. So long as you follow my directions you shouldn't have any trouble with it.
[ And then his arms were around her and she was a little caught off guard. Quickly though she wrapped him into a tight hug and held onto him closely. It was not hard at all to see how lonely he had been and if she could offer even a bit of protection from that loneliness her arms were open.
She pulled back a bit, she would still have to work on that confidence though, but starting with letting him get her a drink was a beginning. ]
I think a drink would be wonderful.
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Her response does enough to reassure him. He would sooner trust Angela than some doctor he had met for all of five seconds. Eddie was pretty sure that guy might have just been trying to scare him. Adults so often liked to scare children. Sometimes they thought it protected them, other times it was just the sadist nature of them- or so Eddie figured anyway.
There's an almost electric kind of happiness he gets from her hugging him back. He soaks up the affection and squeezes tighter against the hug. It wasn't just a hug of loneliness, but something else that toed into familial lines that Eddie hadn't felt in some time now. Not since Clara. It opened up a deep ache that he didn't know what to do with right now. He was glad for the distraction of drinks.
Eddie wipes his hands down the sides of his legs, his palms a bit sweaty from his panic earlier. He really did feel a lot better. Eddie climbs to his feet, leading Angela inside without another word. The lights were mostly all on, and the house was a bit quiet. Some low music was playing from up a staircase brightly lit by fairy lights and covered in license plates. As he meanders into the kitchen, it doesn't take a genius to glance around and see an absence of authority. It isn't dirty in the house, but there's a sort of casual recklessness that one might expect from a house owned by kids. The living room as a bit of a mess with a half collapsed fort, and when they go into the kitchen, he opens up the cabinet to a bunch of colorful, mismatched cups of varying sizes. They are tiny things, sure, but too many added up to paint a bigger picture.
That picture is bigger when he opens the fridge (which is unsurprisingly covered in hokey magnets and Polaroid pictures of memories) and reveals the dismal insides. There's some sandwich making supplies, and a hell of a lot of juice and milk. There's even a few pill bottles scattered about in the fridge too. Go figure. He scratches at the back of his head, keeping the fridge opened with his hip.)
Ummmm. I have lemonade and apple juice. And milk. I guess water too? Do you want anything special? (How does one be a good host??)
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Looking in the fridge only furthers this sinking suspicion that there may actually not be an adult present at all. She had seen over the feed a few adults checking in on them and yet it had never occurred to her that perhaps they were living here on their own.]
Oh a glass of lemonade will be just fine, thank you.
[ She lets him play host, moving over to the kitchen table to take a seat. Her thoughts are on the fridge and the home and finally she can't hold her tongue about it anymore. ]
Eddie, are you and Chloe here alone?
[ She keeps the question casual and removed of all judgement. ]
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Oh, yeah. She actually just moved in after Will...After Will vanished.
(The words stick uncomfortably in his throat for a second, and it's not really complicated as to why. He had lost just about all his friends since showing up to Deerington and it wasn't easy.)
Before it was just Will and me. Back when Bev was here, she lived with me too, but she's one of my best friends from home so obviously she lived with me.
(Which makes it clear that Bev was just a kid too. Eddie pours himself a glass of lemonade and puts the jug back into the fridge. He brings the two cups over to the table and sits next to her, handing her one of the cups.)
It's pretty awesome having Chloe around though. She can cook! Beats eating sandwiches every day. (Said in a very simple boyish excited way.
Yup. Definitely having lived alone for a while now.)
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They way he talks makes it sound like they are doing okay on their own, but that really doesn't matter. It's not okay for them to be alone. It's not okay at all. ]
I am glad that you have each other Eddie...but neither one of you should be on your own. Has no one been looking in on you?
[ Making sure they had healthy food? Making sure their basic needs were met? Making sure that they had the support of adults to lean on while they were stuck here? ]
No neighbors or anything?
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No. But that's kinda how adults work. I've basically been on my own for like. A year.
(Adults would always say how they were super worried about him or something, but then they'd say he was fine alone and leave him to his own devices. Some said he would have to grow up eventually.
Eddie figures this will be another one of those situations. It's less against Angela, and more against how adults have always been.)
Not that I know of. (Which was a little creepy sometimes but at least they weren't completely alone.)
Sometimes an adult will ask if I'm eating okay or whatever. (If that was what she was worried about.)
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[ She also knew how awful it was to be alone. As an orphan it hit her hard.
She felt sick to her stomach that she hadn't checked in on him better. She should have known, but now that she did she was going to find a way to remedy this. She glances out the window to the house next door. Dark. Empty. Very close. An idea was beginning to formulate in her mind. ]
Well. [ She set her glass on the table and a determined look came over her. ]
It's settled then. I'll move into the house next door and be available to you and Chloe.
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But he was also old enough that Eddie felt like he couldn't really admit that anymore. He felt like maybe he shouldn't want to have a parent around. In many ways, he didn't want a parental figure around. He was twelve and he wanted to be on his own because what twelve year old boy didn't relish the thought of being able to stay up as late as he wanted or eat what he wanted when he wanted? It was freeing.
It was a messy contradiction of a situation, and Eddie doesn't feel like there's a right reply to be given. It really was awful to be alone too. There were many times Eddie wanted to cry into his momma's chest all over again. Maybe he didn't think adults could fix the world, but sometimes he felt like they were the only ones with the power to make it softer.
When they bothered to use that power- and everyone knew Eddie thought most adults never used their power for good.
Except for adults like Angela. His whole body itches to go to her when she offers- no, insists living next door. His arms ache to hug, and instead, he sits there, clutching his lemonade. His face was a little red, and he was gnawing at the inside of his cheek. Easy there.)
....You don't...have to do that. (It's not an argument whatsoever. It's clear that Eddie wants her to do that, but isn't sure how to go about saying as much. He didn't want her to think he needed her. He didn't want her to think he was a baby who couldn't take care of himself. He didn't want to tell her what to do with her life.
But God, there was some serious relief beginning to flourish in his chest.)
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